Tears Deeper Than Pain
by Kiya
Summary: Hitomi misses Van, but when she sees him again will she like the cimcumstances?


READ FIRST!!!!!! IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is a kind of long explanation for a not so long fic. Ok, this is kind of depressing, but not all that much(not in my eyes) Well, besides that, about a year after I wrote this, I found this in a pile of school work, and read it again(It was the first fan fic that I had written) and I decided that I didn't like all the sadness. I have to admit, I am a VERY big V/H fan. All the way and this just was not happy. I like happy^_^ So I decided to mix it up a little, and then give it a plot, suspense, good old/new characters, and romance all the way. This isn't that. I wanted to put my FIRST fic on the net FIRST, I just feel special that way. My other fic is called "I Don't Need A Reason" and I am posting it when I get the time, and confidence^_^ Arigato for reading this LONG thing.  
  
Tears Deeper Than Pain  
  
AN: This takes place about 1 year after Hitomi goes back to Earth from Gaea  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~ With every tear Hitomi felt the pain even worse. With every tear drop she felt herself fall deeper into despair. The only thought that could come through the tears was "Van."  
  
Not a day went by without her thinking of him. And with every thought came tears. But now the tears were different. They were of pain and loss, not of longing and sadness. Over the time that she was from Gaea she had tried to keep a link with Van. The thing that made the pain always worse was that it wouldn't work. It would work a little, for a small amount of time, especially if the one of them needed the other. She was counting on that when she made the decision to come back to Earth.  
  
She looked to her pillow and saw that the cover was soaked with her salty tears. She couldn't remember how long she had been crying. Her heart hurt so badly that she knew that it had to have been for a while, a while that seemed to be an eternity.  
  
The feelings had come so suddenly. First she felt a sharp pain in her chest, then a sudden sadness, then nothing. This puzzled her, so she tried her hardest to contact Van with all her strength. The scary thing was that she felt emptiness. No feeling of any sort. Just ever lasting black. What could have happened?  
  
When she thought of what the meaning of this could be, the tears started to flow all over again and once again all she could say was "Van."  
  
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Little to her knowing was that he was there in the same room as she was. The only problem was that he wasn't in a physical form. Unknownst to him, most people would call him a ghost. Where he was made him wonder why he was where he was, and what had happened.  
  
What he remembered was he was in Fanelia and he was in a meeting with the most influential people of Gaea to talk of long lasting peace. There was a few people missing, but that was understandable. Little did he know that they were planning among themselves.  
  
He was talking to a king about the main factors of the war when he heard a scream and turned and saw a blur that resembled a person. Next thing he knew he felt a sharp pain in his chest. He was falling backwards and seeing darkness all around him. He closed his eyes to try and block out the pain and try to keep breathing.  
  
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When he opened his eyes he was in a strange room. He was standing, not on the ground and amazingly the pain was completely gone. Why was he here?  
  
He then heard quick, sharp sniffles and someone saying his name. He walked closer to the bed where the someone was and saw that it was hysterically crying. He then realized who it was. "Hitomi," was all he could say, but then he noticed that she didn't hear him. "Hitomi, can you hear me?" he pleaded. But deep inside he felt that she wouldn't be able to hear him. He felt that he could and would say what he had always wanted to say before he had to go. He slowly walked up to her and let his heart out.  
  
"Hitomi, I'm sorry that I never confessed my feelings and I hope, no I pray, that you know everyday for the past year I have thought of you over and over. I missed you with all my heart and soul. I never should have let you go, but everything happens for a reason. Not like that has helped with the pain that I have felt since I saw you go up in that column of light a eternity ago, but fate has it reasons. I'm sorry that the chance for you to come back and make each of us happy is over, and the fact that I will never be able to marry you and watch us grow old together. For us to have children, and to watch them grow up."  
  
"I want all that more than the wish to live. But it is now impossible. Maybe in another life, another time, but not in this one. I know me leaving you makes it the hardest on you, not me, but I have no choice. I want you to know within your heart that I will always watch over you, now and forever."  
  
"I never got to say hello again but I have to say goodbye once more. I hope that you forgive me, and that you will always hold me in your heart. Always."  
  
While he was saying this while watching he now sleeping figure, a lone tear fell down his cheek, along his chin and fell to her very cheek. He then bent down and kissed her beautiful face where his own tear had fallen. "I'm sorry. Never forget me."  
  
With every ounce of strength he had, with his very soul, he forced him self to back up, and walk away from her forever. He then turned his back and said one last thing that he and she would remember in their minds, hearts, and souls for eternity. "I love you," and then he walked into the light.  
  
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Hitomi lived a full life. She wanted someone to love, and all relationships that she had during the course of her life never worked, so she became a foster mother. She never got married. Everything she was looking for in a man, was never there. She could never love another like the way she loved Van.  
  
Within her heart, she knew that he had died a year after she came home. It took her years to accept it, but she felt him always near, no matter what.  
  
When she came near to the end of her life, she was ready for the next.  
  
She died peacefully.  
  
When she was aware of her death, after she died, she took in her surroundings. She was in a field in a familiar place. She was on Gaea. She could see the Mystic Moon and its child in the sky. It was beautiful.  
  
She slowly looked at her self and noticed that she looked like she did all those years ago, the way that she looked like when she first came to the world of wishes.  
  
"Hitomi," a male voice called to her from afar. She turned around. Her eyes filled with every emotion that they could hold with the sight that she had. " Van! " She ran as fast as she could to him. The second that she touched him, her eyes filled with tears and she hugged him with all that she had. It was wonderful to have him hug her back. He was just like she was, the way he was in the past, the last time that she saw him.  
  
When she finally could look him in the face, he quickly met her with a kiss. A kiss that she had waited her whole life to have, and she never wanted it to stop.  
  
By the time that they broke away, he was crying also. "Hitomi, I have missed you so much. Are you ready to go?" She smiled a real smile. "Of course. As long as I am with you." He smiled and took her hand. "As long as it is with you." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~  
  
Well, there is the end of it. And I want to say, they are not in HEAVEN!!!! They are in the after life. That could be Heaven, but it is how you look at it. And how you believe^_^  
  
Please R/R!!!!!! I want feed back, so I can post my other fic^_^ Arigato!!!! 


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